I'm drive I can fine osifer
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
