im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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