u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
