If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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