I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
