Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
