so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I need to calm my uterus...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize