Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
