I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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