ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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