Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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