the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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