his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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