life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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