Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
