So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
