it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He kissed a someone with a penis
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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