Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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