It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
