peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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