She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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