Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
