Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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