JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
