tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
