It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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