I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
