he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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