I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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