It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
