woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
