i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
