Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
