I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
