My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
