I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
