That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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