i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
