I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
