Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
