So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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