YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
