literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
