love makes seman taste better
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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