***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
