god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
