rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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