How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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