this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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