idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
