You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
