Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
