you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
