saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
