I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
