u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
