In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
