Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
