yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
