Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
