we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
