oh god the rape fog is back!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
