He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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