There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
