Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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